Two and a half month, a period of time that may sound short, where it might just fly in a blink without we even noticed. But I did not. The past two and a half month I experienced the most blissful moment of my life. The best damn things that had ever ever happen in my 19 years of living. I found the cheese to my macaroni. I found the cream of the crop. It takes me quite a while to notice it and when I did, not long later, he left me, crushed, disappointed, stranded, and all alone.
Its really weird how knowing someone for two and a half month can make a great impact in your life when they are gone. And you can't help but keep on blaming yourself for losing them. You keep on putting all the blame on yourself, about the things you never say, the things you never do, the things you did and the things you said.
Its really weird how two and a half month had made you go through a lot of things with someone that made you developed feelings and devotions to someone. Two and a half months was the most blissful moments in my life, I thought nothing could go wrong. I was brought up high, so high, just to realize I am falling down, down, down hard that it hurts. A mistake I did was not forgiven. Mistakes he did doesn't seem like one to him. I was punished, tortured with his ignorance and negligence towards me. Still, I didn't wanna give up, I still hold on strong, because I believe we can work things out.
It's really weird how love can drives you blind, you make decisions without much consideration. You don't think much of what you are doing, you don't listen to what you are saying, because you feel like the whole world is on top of you. Skies feels so low and its hanging right on top of your head. You don't care what you had been doing had resulted to harming your health, you don't care what your surroundings tells you. All you think about was you and that another party. All you think about was to turn back time and things be like the olden days with that another party.
People say when times are good, it flies like an arrow. I still remember every single second of our time spent together, from the very beginning at the fireworks, to overnight at Sentosa, to the Paya Lebar incident, to Geylang, to my birthday celebration, to Hari Raya and movies with alot other in between and no one knows that 19th October 2008, was the last day we spent our time together, walking hand in hand, still crazily in love with each other.
But guys live their life with full of ego. And a mistake I did was, boosting his ego. I showed him how much he meant to me and that I can't go on without him, I still do need him with me. I told him how much I miss him day after day without realizing all those words are boosting his ego up high. My messages haves no responds, my calls gets no answer. Still, I keep on waiting and believe that we can work things out. Our relationship was still fresh and raw, we still needs time to stabilize everything. I understand that he is undergoing a life changing process but I'm really sad at how he handles a problem, how shallow can he be to think that breaking up is the only solution.
A friend told me "No matter how drunk you are, you still remember who is your mother". And that applies in many context. And no matter how big the mistake I have done, you can't just simply forget the good values that I have.
No use reminiscing now. No use crying. But my heart is broken into millions of little pieces. I've never felt such a great pain before. Whatever that had just happened, was a cherry on top of my sundae. And seeing his photo with another girl, really tears me apart. I don't ask for much, I'll just pray for his happiness and well-being and I do not have to worry if karma is going to work it's way or not.
Kadang-kadang, kita sebagai kaum yang lemah, jangan terlalu termakan dengan kata-kata lelaki. Jangan terpedaya dengan janji manis mereka. Sana sini menaburkan janji, bersumpah setia, sehidup semati, namun akhirnya, mereka juga yang memungkiri, kita juga yang disingkir. Wahai lelaki, jangan lah selalu memainkan perasan perempuan. Jangan lah berjanji jika engkau sendiri tidak pasti boleh menepatinya atau tidak.
Setelah aku meletak harapan yang terlalu tinggi dalam perhubungan kita yang telah retak dan berkecai ini, aku ingin membawa diri, jauh dari dunia yang kejam ini, jauh dari kenangan yang lalu kerna hati ini sudah cukup dilukai, rasa kecewa ini terlalu pedih. Sebesar kesilapanku, besar lagi keegoan mu. Andai nya satu hari kau bercinta lagi, hargailah dia seperti mana kau menghargai ku dulu. Andainya kau kerinduan ku, ingat lah bahawa aku di sini sentiasa menanti dan menyayangi mu. Semoga kita bertemu lagi.
