The Untold Secrets: November 2008

Thursday, November 27, 2008

12:50 AM
Broken

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ~~~

I'm home with loads and loads of paper bags.
Went on a shopping spree with the girls this time round.

Tops, tank tops, earrings, perfumes, lingerie and good good food.

And I need a new job pronto!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

9:49 AM
Hair-eh Monsteh

Here's another random update about me. It's about my hair. I used to have very very short hairs and every time the hair touches my shoulder, I will cut if off again. And after 8 years of not having long hairs, my hair is now ALMOST touching my waist.

Let's have a little walk down my hair lane.

This is how I look like when I first entered Republic Polytechnic.

And my monthly haircut.
I'll never let my hair touch my shoulder.

And my classmate made me a Southpark Character with short brown hair.

And as time flies in 2006, it grows bigger and bigger
and I decided that I should not waste anymore money on Hair Wax and Cream.

And when I turned 18, I present myself to Soft-rebond my hair.

Which then I added a little Orange on my hair.

The color Orange stay just for a little while, like one month,
which then the bleach starts to show off.

It starts to touch my shoulder,
I get rid off the color in front and the bottom part stays.

Finally, a proper ponytail.

And it grows longer and longer.

And even sexier.

The color turns a little golden as time passes,
and had went far ahead off my shoulder.

I get highlights after getting sick and tired of Jet Black hair.

And now I love to let my hair just the way it is, no need for Hair Wax.
I love the color although some say I look minah with it, I don't care.
I love the rough messy curls, it's gorgeously sexy.

The reason I'm writing about my hair now is because I woke up this morning, realizing how sexy my hair was and love it so much but looking at the hot whether, I don't know what to do with it but to bun it up. -_-

I wanna straightened up the front,
I wanna perm up the back and
I wanna add orange to it but, I'm broke dammit!

So maybe I'll just for a little trimming and then keep it growing.

1:31 AM
Kontolosoleh.

Can anybody tell me how "hungry" feels like?
I've been gorging and splurging my fat tummy's content
like nothing else matter in the world.
No no no, don't blame me. I don't do it on purpose.
Dinners at Pizza Hut, breakfast at KFC,
coffee at Starbucks, seafood at Simpang Bedok.
Now I'm back looking like a full-moon.

Oh and I went shopping and got myself a few new tops.
Afraid that I got one or two sizes up ...

Still I remain unchanged.
I love just the way I am.

I love the moon more than the sun.
My life is full of surprises nowadays.
Like how I passed my Professional Profiling with flying colours.
After spending almost 2 years for it hah!
And I got a call from GOD-KNOWS-WHERE telling me that I won 2 movie tickets
which I don't remember how so.
Some unexpected calls and text which surprises and annoys me.
Oh and I made the decision to leave my job
because that place leaves me with a lot of memories and like i said,
I am trying hard to leave all those memories behind, so now I am JOBLESS!!!

Oh oh and and and . . .
Guess what's back on my shelf ???

No, not my Guess handbag.
No, not my Chanel Shades
No, not my Clubmarc sling.
No, not those stereos.

My baby Evolution yeah hey hey !!!
My helmet. Hahahaha.
It had been away for I don't know how long.
Because I wasn't allowed to ride so my helmet was confiscated.
Now it's back yea yea yea !!!

I think this post is filled with rubbish.
And I am wondering if I should go to school tomorrow.
Because I will keep snoozing my alarm and reject all calls,
pull my comforter and hug my bolster tighter.

I'm missing Khair. Have not been meeting him for quite sometimes.
The last time I saw him, he was telling me that he just went to watch a movie.

Khair: Fatin, tadi aku gi tengok wayang.
Fatin: Eh? Cerita ape?
Khair: Kontolosoleh.
Fatin: Huh? Cerita ape sak tu?
Khair: Kontolosoleh.
Fatin: Cerita Indonesia pe?
Khair: Quantum Of Solace la.

-__________-

I'm getting so open in my blog nowadays.
And I start to feel that I don't need my Livejournal anymore.
OMG, I have too much things that I am pondering in my head.
I should go and fag now.
So long.

Friday, November 21, 2008

11:59 AM
My love is blind, unconditional.

Woah, I had a great blast today. Oh and also yesterday and the day before yesterday and the day before before yesterday yesterday and so on hah! Did not attend class for the whole of the week because I was just craving for more and more fun. I just wanna pamper myself after all the sufferings, you see.

I had been coming back home late as late as 4 to 5 in the morning. Had been exploring the whole of Singapore in the night that I just got too tired to be up 1 to 2 hours later for school. I don't know what the fuck is going to happen to me.

So I hit the beach today, got myself a little more tanned. And then hortpark till quite late. I got a few photos to be uploaded but my laptop is seriously crying for space, ~~like how I am crying for him to be back~~ so I need a little time to get rid of the un-necessaries and edit my photos.

I'm damn tired now and is talking to Mr Spick and Span. Ayn gave me a song the other day and now there he is dedicating the same song to me. It is so sweet, I teared when I hear him sing for me. So enjoy this, while I go and clean up my laptop and my clothes filled with seawater and sand from the beach and the helmet and the bed that is so messy before I go to sleep.

Your Love Is Blind

Awww. The guitar and his perfect voice goddammit.
~~But nothing feels the same like it was before. I miss you Khairul Gaddafi.~~

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

11:29 AM
Let's play on the safe side

I've not been attending school for donkey years, ok not exactly. Let's say . . . more than a week? And I tell you that was madness. Reason being, every morning when I wake up, I just felt sick and a little too heavy to drag myself to the north side of the country to study. So I just continue sleeping and wish that I just do not have to wake up and face the cruel world. But that makes me a coward, after all, life still do have to go on. Oh and mama accidentally stepped on my laptop and I've got inactive keys on my keyboards. That's another good reason huh?

And life indeed goes on. In fact, I'm enjoying it. Skipping school is not just the reason, I had a lot a lot of fun a girl should really have while I was away! And before I move on, thanks to fellow readers and those that had tagged for giving me moral supports. Thanks a million. Also to lovely friends and family for making me feel my feet standing firmly on the ground again!

And and and before I go on to the exciting part, I have got a story to share. There's this one girl, aged 23, which makes her 4 freaking years older than me called me a "psycho and a stalker" just because I somehow begged and pleaded ex-boyfriend not to leave me. Oh come on, I was just standing up for my love that I thought was pure. That's all. Maybe I was a bit too insane but I have reasons for every single things that I did. And I am just willing to take a million steps just to keep our lovely boat sailing.

Yes I went to his place, yes I phoned his mama, yes I called his friends just to know his whereabouts, yes I "threatened" him that I will knock on his door if he did not come out, yes yes yes. And why? Because he ignored my messages and calls, because he promised he would meet me, because he promised he will call, because he made me wait, because he said that he wants us to be just friends for he needs the space but he's already seeing another girl not even a week after we somehow thought we could work things out!

Oh tell me that you will just let your boyfriend go after he said he wants to leave you. Tell me that you can just forget about him the minute after someone tell you to. Tell me that you won't ponder and cry. Tell me that you will jump for joy and clap your hands in the air seeing his photo with another girl. Tell me that you are not willing to fight and work things out to let the love keep going. I'm faithful and I am loyal, and I am willing to do just anything just to be in his arms back again, just to make him love me still.

But I know my limits and I know just when to stop. Which I did for a long time ago, but now, I am wondering, WHY THE HELL DID SHE BRING THE TOPIC UP AGAIN? Oh okeh, let me guess. Maybe because she cannot accept when I told her that she can go on with her childish name-calling attittude and that she is way older than I am but I feel way matured than she is and thank her for making me feel better about myself?

This is what she wrote in her blog;

MSG TO SOMEONE

if u think you are mature enough and proud to be

then why you didnt forget about him when he say he want leave you

why you keep pester him??

mature ke name nye tu??

sudah la eh...jgn nak msg atao ganggu idop die lagy k

he's really into new love now!!!

Oh gosh, I'm not trying to be mean or bad here but I think that she really needs to brush up her vocabulary. So, not being able to forget about him and pestering him actually defines your MATURITY LEVEL? I'm really sad. Pity her. Haiz. I really do not want to entertain anymore of the nonsense. I have his NS friends coming to me on MSN and say "Psycho sia" as a greeting. I was not at all impacted but surely, they must had gone around talking about me. Damn! I know I'm irresistable, they just can't get enough of me!

Plus this is my personal problem, I can actually print that part of her blog and go the police and report for noble abuse. But that'll be such a waste of time. And I think that I am somehow childish to be writing about this in this beautiful blog of mine but since she wants the immatured way, here you go!

Too much time wasted now, time is precious to me you know. I'm off. What's next? Here's a list.

Swimming with the girls and Aidil
Day out to Clarke Quay, Changi and Yishun Dam
More "riding dirty" session
Shopping with Mr Sugardaddy
And skipping madness with Yanti My Bitch hehs!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

1:15 AM
Let's let bygones be bygones.

I'm not trying to say I'm some hot stuff or what-so-ever. I don't have a perfect body or a pretty face. But . . .

an ex-boyfriend is back, an ex-fling is back and a guy confessed his feelings towards me.
And . . .

I'm too afraid to fall in love again.

Phobia. Maybe it takes me time to open my heart again. Maybe I just need time to heal. Maybe I just need time to fall in love again. Because I'm just too afraid to go through all the painful farewells and shed poisonous tears. This heart still hurts, I'm still suffering.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

10:57 AM
For Psychos and Stalkers,

Whatever you heard through the grapevine, whoever is the rumor mill, whatever gossips you wanna say, I don't care. Because he once taught me never to care whatever people wants to say. He once taught me that no one leads my life but just myself. He once taught me to never let setbacks bring me down.

I admit I was brought at my lowest, so low I thought of giving up. But again, thinking back, these are are just my learning phase in life. I'm so much stronger than I am. I've gone thru a lot more than any girl could ever imagine. I've seen my own girlfriend making out with the boy I was dating with. I've got my boyfriend MIA without notice. I've caught my boyfriend red-handed having night stands at the red-light district. And now, this.

But I've never once go around talking shits about my ex-boyfriend because I'm once in love with them, I've once been in their arm and disparaging them in people's ear are trying to make myself look like a dumb too because it makes me sound like I'm once with someone as bad as I make them sound to be. And I don't see a point to it.

I'm a stronger woman now and I am moving on. I'm moving on, still wanting to learn, wanting the best for my future, believing whatever that had happened always have a blessing in disguise. I'll leave fate and destiny in ALLAH'S hands because HIS the Almighty.

So go ahead with your childish name-calling attitude. You're way older than I am but I feel way matured than you are. =) Thanks for making me feel good about myself.

Monday, November 10, 2008

2:32 PM
Selamat tinggal.

Two and a half month, a period of time that may sound short, where it might just fly in a blink without we even noticed. But I did not. The past two and a half month I experienced the most blissful moment of my life. The best damn things that had ever ever happen in my 19 years of living. I found the cheese to my macaroni. I found the cream of the crop. It takes me quite a while to notice it and when I did, not long later, he left me, crushed, disappointed, stranded, and all alone.

Its really weird how knowing someone for two and a half month can make a great impact in your life when they are gone. And you can't help but keep on blaming yourself for losing them. You keep on putting all the blame on yourself, about the things you never say, the things you never do, the things you did and the things you said.

Its really weird how two and a half month had made you go through a lot of things with someone that made you developed feelings and devotions to someone. Two and a half months was the most blissful moments in my life, I thought nothing could go wrong. I was brought up high, so high, just to realize I am falling down, down, down hard that it hurts. A mistake I did was not forgiven. Mistakes he did doesn't seem like one to him. I was punished, tortured with his ignorance and negligence towards me. Still, I didn't wanna give up, I still hold on strong, because I believe we can work things out.

It's really weird how love can drives you blind, you make decisions without much consideration. You don't think much of what you are doing, you don't listen to what you are saying, because you feel like the whole world is on top of you. Skies feels so low and its hanging right on top of your head. You don't care what you had been doing had resulted to harming your health, you don't care what your surroundings tells you. All you think about was you and that another party. All you think about was to turn back time and things be like the olden days with that another party.

People say when times are good, it flies like an arrow. I still remember every single second of our time spent together, from the very beginning at the fireworks, to overnight at Sentosa, to the Paya Lebar incident, to Geylang, to my birthday celebration, to Hari Raya and movies with alot other in between and no one knows that 19th October 2008, was the last day we spent our time together, walking hand in hand, still crazily in love with each other.

But guys live their life with full of ego. And a mistake I did was, boosting his ego. I showed him how much he meant to me and that I can't go on without him, I still do need him with me. I told him how much I miss him day after day without realizing all those words are boosting his ego up high. My messages haves no responds, my calls gets no answer. Still, I keep on waiting and believe that we can work things out. Our relationship was still fresh and raw, we still needs time to stabilize everything. I understand that he is undergoing a life changing process but I'm really sad at how he handles a problem, how shallow can he be to think that breaking up is the only solution.

A friend told me "No matter how drunk you are, you still remember who is your mother". And that applies in many context. And no matter how big the mistake I have done, you can't just simply forget the good values that I have.

No use reminiscing now. No use crying. But my heart is broken into millions of little pieces. I've never felt such a great pain before. Whatever that had just happened, was a cherry on top of my sundae. And seeing his photo with another girl, really tears me apart. I don't ask for much, I'll just pray for his happiness and well-being and I do not have to worry if karma is going to work it's way or not.

Kadang-kadang, kita sebagai kaum yang lemah, jangan terlalu termakan dengan kata-kata lelaki. Jangan terpedaya dengan janji manis mereka. Sana sini menaburkan janji, bersumpah setia, sehidup semati, namun akhirnya, mereka juga yang memungkiri, kita juga yang disingkir. Wahai lelaki, jangan lah selalu memainkan perasan perempuan. Jangan lah berjanji jika engkau sendiri tidak pasti boleh menepatinya atau tidak.

Setelah aku meletak harapan yang terlalu tinggi dalam perhubungan kita yang telah retak dan berkecai ini, aku ingin membawa diri, jauh dari dunia yang kejam ini, jauh dari kenangan yang lalu kerna hati ini sudah cukup dilukai, rasa kecewa ini terlalu pedih. Sebesar kesilapanku, besar lagi keegoan mu. Andai nya satu hari kau bercinta lagi, hargailah dia seperti mana kau menghargai ku dulu. Andainya kau kerinduan ku, ingat lah bahawa aku di sini sentiasa menanti dan menyayangi mu. Semoga kita bertemu lagi.

Labels: B busyuk.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

3:18 PM
Because it does not pay off at all.

I went out with the girlfriends on the first the of the holidays. Our initial plan was to do some raya visiting but all of us are being such bitches that plan got corrupted and still, since everybody is free, why not we have a decent day-out?

Okeh so I told the girls to go ahead to vivo first and I'll meet them when they are done to head to Great World City together.

And which I guess they went to Topshop and lunched at Banquet at Vivo without me. Hahaha.

And then finally we met, took a bus to GWC which we alighted one stop earlier just to have a longer walk so that we fat girls can burn more fats. Hahaha.

I was forced to pose that way. Seriously. Hahaha.
Because somehow I find that printing on the wall very very interesting.
Somehow.

Spot the zebra. -_-

And then we head to Starbucks where abang was attached to and he gave me a Venti Caramel for free. Yeah hey hey hey !

My first Guess bag. I know, so what? But at least I got one. At least. Hahaha.
Ok that sounds so bitchy. Hahaha.

Yay! Phat brushed her tongue.

Okeh Phat. We got it. Your tongue is brushed.

I was busy with my phone.
See how much I sacrificed the fun and laughter for that person I am smsing ?

Anime. Stop it eh heira.

Senang nya dalam hati.
Bila dapat minum starbucks.

While waiting for the bus, heading to Far East Plaza for dinner.

My day was great, despite a little of bittersweet with him.
The laughters we had really cheer me up.
Now I'm missing you three. Do have a complete meet-up soon in school.
And please girls, GO TO SCHOOL.
ESPECIALLY YOU, NURSYAFIQAH!

And I think I sound really venomous in some part of this entry.
Pardon me. Blame my mood and situation.

Labels: girlfriends