The Untold Secrets

Sunday, October 21, 2007

3:49 AM

I had not been updating for quite sometimes, I realized that. Reason being I am too busy with my life and having fun, I just need a tight wake-up slap. It's time for me to realize that this has to stop. I have to really buck up and drag myself to class. Because in the end I am the one to face the consequences. Me, myself and I. ALONE. It's already the mid of the semester and damn, time really does fly fast like an arrow! I thought my class was the same as the class I have last semester, where class-politic is an everlasting activity and is a must during class time. But no. They were really nice, in fact, they keep going "Orange, we miss you. Can you please stop mingling with boyfriends and get that rusty brains shiny!" School had sent the letter home. It says "Notice for poor attendance". How sweet can they get.

If you play, you pay.

Something real bad happened. And it is truly not my fault. The blame should not be placed on me. And it is truly unfair. I lost my job. Yes. Luck had been shitty for me. I will miss those rich-bitch seasons. I will miss Soek Mum's silly jokes and Jia Hui's retarded smile. I will miss Meena's you-go-and-sleep-inside-i-will-do-the-work-for-you. I will miss Dr Wee and his fetching brother. I will miss play-doctor with Soek Mum when doctor is away. Ok get over.

Talking about my job, let me share a sweet experience I have when I was a clinic assistant.
I was doing evening shift that faithful day when a guy came walking into the clinic with his shirt cover with mud and blood, his pants torn and tattered and his arms is as good as skinned. He was carrying a helmet with him and that tells so well, he just met with an accident. He came straight to the counter and asked me if his cousin came. He said his cousin was his pillion and was instructed by him to go to the clinic first. And no, he didn't come. I didn't see any other guy who just met with an accident. In that instant, he looks so down, like he was disturbed and worried about his cousin. So I registered him but at the same time, I persuaded him to go to the hospital, I can help him call for an ambulance. He refused and said that he was fine. He just need some painkillers and simple dressing from our doctor. Unfortunately, the doctor on duty refused to consult him and got him to go straight to the hospital.

The look on his face, upon exiting the consultation room was really really disappointed. He went out of the clinic looking rather lost and not knowing where to head. And he sat at the benches near to the clinic I working at, somewhere I could see him quite clearly. He sat there for almost 2 hours. And in his situation, I won't be that mean to just see him sit there waiting for only-GOD-knows-what. So I went out to him. We had a great talk. I know what exactly happen and all. I bough him some food to eat and bring him in when it was raining cats and dogs out there for shelter. I gave him a cup of hot coffee to drink. Then he said he wants to leave to only-GOD-know-where, he gave me hug. Maybe a way to just say "Thank You". He may sound like a passing cloud. But I was surprised that I actually found out from one of my colleague that he came to the clinic on the second day of Aidilfitri to look for me. He left after knowing that I am no more working there. If it's really destiny, GOD, I wanna know how he is doing now.

I bought myself a new handphone and MP3. I bought the phone they call NS-PHONE, where it only have the basic needs in it. But I really need a camera fixed into my phone because if it doesn't. it just does not completes me. And I feel good with a proper MP3 now. I bought the new ZEN STONE PLUS. It's small, cute and adorable. I swear it is. And life is better with it now that train journeys seems more beautiful with it. Oh! I had a great new crush. I swear I hope somehow he knows what lies deep within me and he feels the same way too. Hahhahahaha. Shut up aten. I miss girlfriends truckloads for I had been spending a lot a lot of my time with boyfriends. Be it during school hours, before and after. And I know I miss a lot of fun they had without me. Is it me neglecting them or them neglecting me? I dunno. But I swear I really do miss them.

I found out that some people out there had been bitching about me. It seems like they sound envious of me being so easy going with guys. And please, I don't sell any cheap act to them to get their attention like some desperate girls have to do. Some girls have to act cheaply and make themselves look so "easy" that the guys can't resist their attention. Hey wake up! When you do that and that guy seems intimate with you, all they have in head is to FUCK YOU BITCH! No. It's not the heart. It's their dick head you slut. So please, it aches my eyes. You just made my pubic hair fell off it's root so please, stop it. And please. If you don't like what I write in my blog, the words I use, whether have I been referring to the thesaurus for profound words and it had totally disgust you, why read my blog then? Buzz off for all you wish. I'd never forced one to visit my blog and place their face infront ot the screen to read like by line. Grow up please.

And baby, I know how much you love me and I appreciate the love and concern you poured on me. I'm sorry to have hurt you so much till you teared like never before. I'm sorry for being harsh to you. I should had known how you disliked that and the pain you feel deep within. I'm sorry for not being there when you always needed me to. I'm sorry for lying to you. But baby, I hope you understand my situation. I don't mean it and everything that I do lies a reason underneath it all. I feel the care when I was in your arms. I feel the love when our lips meet. I hope you know that I love the sight of you and I appreciate your presence a lot. Thanks for giving me something no guy had ever wanted to present it to me. I know how special I am to you although I know most of the time I was mean to you. I know I had been real naughty and rebellious, I should had listened to what you said. Thanks for being patient with me. I know how dedicated you are to me. I'm sorry for disappointing you but I hope you do understand. I hope things will get better for I do love you too.

Hari Raya is not that meriah as compared to the pass years. I didn't really go out visiting with family this year. I am schooling almost all the time. The amount of "collection" this year is a rapid decrement. Most of the aunties thought I'm all grown up and already earning my own bucks. Oh please! Do I look that overgrown? I'm still young and fresh and still am studying! And plus, I'm JOBLESS NOW! Ok, just not my rezeki I think. I'm going out with poly friends this 3rd November. I rented a bus for them so it is easier for us to transport ourselves since we are all scattered island wide. From the east side to the west side yo! And yes. It's is so going to be fun with the whole lot of us. My boyfriends and girlfriends. All of my friends. Yeahyeahyeah!

And talking about jobless, I feel so lively now that I realized how I look like a limp spinach back then when I am still working. I have to go to work straight after school at 5 and shift will end at 11. School starts at 8.30 in the morning until afternoon 3-4 plus. So I hardly have time for myself neither do I have time for my family and friends. I missed out quite a number of fun they had without me and now i feel so much better for I could attend all the outings and occasions and activities they are having. This month is my last rich bitch season to enjoy and I have to do a lot of saving up despite I had already saved a few hundred. You may not always get what you wanna get but I'll tryna get what I wanna get yea! No ones gonna make me stop, no matter what they say.

And Karma is a bitch and she really does exist. And I hope he realized that whatever he is facing now is kind of a retribution. It's time for him to wake and realized that he is standing on the ground and not flying in the air between those beautiful clouds I had always fantasize to eat. Ok, I think my inspiration has run dry. Thanks for reading to this end. I have 400 ++ photos for hari raya Day 1 & Day 2, and I publish it up real soon. Not all 400 though. Last but not least, it's up to you to believe it, but I did that [see picture below]. P.S: The person in the picture is not me.

Do you endo? I do.