2:28 PM
Plastic Smile .
Everything was so fine today . Nothing went wrong . Even if there was, I would never lay a thought on it . But I think, I should not be too overly contented for I have to remember there's "Hikmah" behind everything .
Amir went Johore on Sunday . For some reasons, something reminds him of me and he bought me a box of ciggy . I was thankful, he have me in his head wherever he goes [Muaahahaa]. But, I was at the verge of trying my best to quit smoking. I don't get addicted to it. I won't feel like I want it when I don't have it . In short, I don't crave for it. But, I will be so tempted, when it is infront of my eyes, even if its not mine .
So, as it was a wonderful day, I decided to reward myself with one stick . Not long after, I realized, I got no lighter. Nowhere in my class could I find a lighter. So, since Ifad's class was jus opposite my class, I asked him. I promised to give him 2 sticks. The last thing I remember, we were at the bus stop in front of our school, smoking. Haaha .
K . Big deal huh ? Naah . I was just shocked . Like I didn't expect Ifad to be that easy going . At one look at his face, anyone would think he's not a guy u could easily get-along with. But he's not !! He's so friendly . I didn't even feel awkward when I first walk with him . Like, wow ! I mean, I was a little tremulous . Coz I only talked to him virtually and a few times (as short as a few seconds) . He was so astonishing . He overwhelmed me . Haaha .
Seriously Ifad, all in all, I gave u 3 sticks to recompense you for being such a mind-blowing companion . And trust me, handicapped toilet is safe . Muaahaaha .
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You have gone through so much; bear the brunt of your family. I may never understand the situation the situation you are in, never fully feel the pain you're going through ... but just by hearing it, just by looking at your wounds and bruises, I can feel for myself how hurting it is. As an outsider, I'm in no position to make it all stop but as a friend, I would always be here, lending u a shoulder to cry on, to listen to all your woes. I'm proud and awed, of you. How strong you are, to hold on to now, not giving up and never complaining. You're always the cheerful one, the one that is liked by many. Wherever you go, people recognize you as the happy-go-lucky one. How sad it is, that under all those smiles, lies a soul that is living in misery. Sometimes, I wonder if you're putting on a facade. You wake up, wanting to scream and shout your heart out, wanting to end it all; but I'm glad you didn't. You don't bring in your problem to us, not wanting to irritate us. But do bear in mind, we are you friends. We will always be here to listen to you. No matter what, we will be there for you, to help you forget this living nightmare, even if it's only for a few moments ...
Love you babe
Yours sincerely,
Heira
http://biteus.blogspot.com
Seriously Syahira . I tried to control my tears when I first read it at the cafe in front of you girls . I didn't really read and understand what was stated as I know, the further I read, the more I cant control my emotions . I read it again, at night, in my bed and droplets of tears roll down my cheeks . I was so touched by each and every word u say for I had never see that side of you before my eyes . Never had I noticed, you were such an amazing friend that would even bother to spare a thought of me .
You know, some may say I'm plastic if I admits every smile I made were fake. Yes, Suhailah once commented my smile was awful in one of the photos . That was the period of time when I forgot how to smile amiably as I'm hiding things behind my smile . Reasons I didn't always talk bout this shit I'm keeping deep inside was because I know there's really nothing much that can be done . The scar will stay deep in me and my back . My friends had been listening to this since a decade ago (or even longer) . Now, I'm going 17, I don't think there's a need for me to share as I'm mature and ashamed . Mature for I had faced enough and ashamed for I'm old and I'm big, I'm still getting even a small kid did not .
Syahira, that paragraph, is not just a short paragraph but it's very meaningful, very evocative .
Thanx to this blog of mine, where I pour everything out, everything I think it's hard for me to tell one, keeping it deep down in me and you are one of my readers that could, not just read my entries, but see the soft and weak soul in me .
Thank You and you know I love u too .
Orangedoll
is thankful for the clothes that fits a lil too snug;
it means she haf enuff to eat .