Today, I freaking hell had a bad start.
First thing !! Momma wake me up and say "Your dad told me he didn't wanna see you to put wax on ur hair and mess it up ." Chee bye !!! I am fucking hell going 17 and I still have irritating bastards to tell me what to do and what not to do .. This is my hair . On my head . I style it with my own hand . And I use my own pathetic allowance to buy the wax .
Momma has this habit of doing everything in my room . She'll lie down on my bed, read newspaper . EVERY MORNING WHEN I'M DRESSING UP . And guess what she'll say - "Don't wear clothes that is too small for you" ...
- "Please wear Baju Kurung" ...
- "Don wear pants . Ur butt look ENORMOUS" ...
- "Don put on eyeliner . You look ugly with it" ...
and ...
- "Please hang your towel" ...
- "Lower down the volume of ur radio" ...
- "Change to 94.2 FM" ...
- "Clean up your room before you leave" ...
- "Why is the phone on your bed ?? You must have been on the phone the whole" ...
and many many many many many many many more .
And this morning, [let me cut the story SHORT] I blow my top off . I yelled . Literally yelled . "I'm not a small kid anymore where you have to tell me what to wear and what not to do." Then ......... *Gedebush* a PUNCH on my face . Next thing I remember, I went out of house, slam the gate, put on footwear and down the staircase . I didn't wanna cry . Coz I know . I'm strong . But sadly . I'm like a durian . Hard and thorny outside . Soft and sweet inside . I was so hurt . The pain i had in me was unbearable . I cried in front of Suhailah .. at .. at .. FITNESS CORNER FOR THE ELDERLY at my neighborhood . I cried so badly . I cant control . I have to let it all out . So I burst . Uuuuuurgh . FYI, I didn't face this shit only this morning but EVERY MORNING . No kidding . This is some serious shit !!
She call me "pompuan sundal" and "betina gatal" [some cheap women] . i learnt at my religious class, wateva comes out from a mother's mouth is a "doa" . So wat is she trying to tell me ?? Shud i jus find a guy who don't love me but all he wants is my body . Shud i ? Shud i ? Is tat wat she wants me to do ?
Well, it's up to you to believe it or not . But I think I cant keep these SHIT anymore . I have to throw it away and make space for new SHITS coming up . I'm still wondering, when is tis going to stop . I may look happy, friendly, hyper-active, noisy, LAME, bitchy and wateva . I jus wanna forget bout wat is at home . Deep deep down, I'm dying . I'm looking for strength to go on with life . I'm so sure none of ya'll wants this kind of start early in the morning .
A punch for breakfast, anyone ???
To Suhailah, you are like the only one who can see my misery . (Because you go to school with me, so you're the first person I see . (= ) Thanx for the listening ear and the strong shoulder . I know it's irritating to watch people cry early in the morning . Sorry if I made the start of ur day bad too .
To Amir, sorry to had disappoint you . I know you'd be so upset to actually find out I skipped skool today . So now u know why, I cant drag myself to school in this kind of situation . I really hope you understand . I skipped for a reason now . I'm not trying to blame my momma but I jus need to de-stress .
Some readers may think what I face was NOTHING while some other children is facing much worst abuse. Don't judge my misery [AND MY MOMMA] just by reading this entry . Friends that had known me since primary and secondary school, I bet you guys understand better .
Let me paste one of my "Microsoft BloGGinG" here . I was created a month ago .
"Parents"
I'm a girl that is dying for parental love. I hardly get any of it. All I know is that I have shelter, clothes to wear and enough food to eat. I get enough money for school and never did I get a chance to shop for new clothes and accessories like other teenagers love to do. I'm still grateful though. I didn't have the freedom all teenagers would be dying for. I didn't get to go out every weekend and find some cool place chill out with my friends. Though, I'm still thankful. I find myself doing housework instead. Vacuum, mop, dishes, laundry are my friends every weekend.
It was something, not at all unusual, seeing me going to school with a swollen eye or lips, bruised legs and arm. I'm so used to it. It is no surprise that this actually continue till the age of 16. [Those who actually know for a long period of time, it won't be something new to ya'll. Heehe.]
I don't think my hard work was being appreciated. Even at this kind of age and a ''gooD" school to be in, I still have someone bugging me to get home straight after school. Sometimes, I ask myself, ''After so much I had done for you and myself to get this far, don't I even deserve to have a little fun?''
I really feel so envious looking at photos of teenagers and their mom and say ''I love you. My pillar of strength; my EVERYTHING'' Why can they love their mom while getting what they want and giving nothing in return?
They want me to make them feel proud of me. I did. I'm the only soul, in my family, my relatives, that have five O's and made it to Polytechnic with a good course that guarantees a good future. I know, to most of us, now, getting to polytechnic is something COMMON & easy. I know, I should not even boast about it now, at this stage, because I haven't even got a Diploma. I think, even if I get a Degree, it's still not appreciated. I'll still be caged and used. Where are the rights I deserve?
Parents are wonderful people that bring you to the world full of wonders. Fills you up with happiness, shower you with love and acts as a pillar of strength. Love you for who you are and not what you can do for them. Being there whenever you need them, being the bestest friend you could ever have in the whole wide world.
Lotsa Love to those readers who survived reading this post till this very last line.
Love Love
]]*OranGeDoLL 
